TODAY IS THE LAST DAY

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY. YOU SEE I HAVE TO LIVE ON.I HAVE TO DO FOR ME . I HAVE TO FIND AWAY TO LIVE ON ANYWAY HERE ON EARTH WITH OUT YOU . I CANT SEEM TO GET IT RIGHT EVERY NIGHT I ASK MYSELF TIME AND TIME AGAIN , WHAT WILL I DO WITH OUT MY BROTHER FRIEND. SO I HAVE TO SAY TODAY , BYE BROTHER TROY BYE.I WILL SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE MAMA(1985), NANA(2008), UNCLE(2009), TROY(2010). I CANT STAY HERE IN THIS STATE OF MIND , I HAVE TO FIND AWAY TO LIVE ON ANYWAY.

TROY AKA DAIPER BKA BUB-BU

TROY LYNN HAWKINS
07/17/68 - 02/28/10

AT 630PM TROY NOISE BEGIN TO BLEED A MEDIUM FLOW. WE TRIED TO STOP IT WITH EVERY METHOD KNOWN TO US. I GOT ONLINE AND DID A SEARCH ON NOISE BLEEDS. CAME UP WITH ONLY ONE OTHER OPTION , OTHER THAN THE METHODS ALREADY TRIED BY US , IT READ : GO TO THE HOSPITAL. SO TROY GOT UPSET AND SAT THERE TILL 11PM BLEEDING FROM THE NOISE..
OH YEAH I HAVE TO REWIND FOR A MINUTE, HE HAD FAINTED TWICE AS HE WAS HELPING A FRIEND MOO HIS LAWN. SO AS I WAS SAYING HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL ON MAY 18 2009 AT 11PM, WITH A NOISE BLEED. TODAY MY BROTHER IS DEAD. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS HAPPEN. I DON'T GET HOW THIS HAPPEN . THEY SAID HE HAD LEUKEMIA , WHAT THE HELL. COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK , YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME . YOU CANT BE FOR REAL ABOUT THIS .
OK OK OK OK SO WHAT PEOPLE BEAT LEUKEMIA EVERYDAY .
HE IS STRONG HEALTHY IN EVERY AREA
SO HE
WE CAN BEAT THIS .......

02/28/10
9 MONTHS LATER HE HAS DIED ....
STILL I DON'T BELIEVE IT
I CAN'T RECEIVE IT
IN MY HEART I KNOW ITS TRUE
HE IS GONE

NOW THEY TALKING ABOUT A FUNERAL
WHAT THE HELL YOU SAY .
COME ON NOW..... MAN
ARE YOU FOR REAL
IS A THIS A JOKE
CAN I DO THIS
NO NO NO AND HELL NO
I WILL NOT
I CAN NOT
DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME
I CAN NOT WATCH THIS HAPPEN
AND I HATE EVERYONE THAT HAS APART IN IT
HOW THE HELL CAN I SEE THIS
IN MY MIND
IN MY HEART IN MY SOUL
MY BROTHER LIVES
HE MOVED SO FAR AWAY I CANT SEE HIM AGAIN IS WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE
BUT HE IS NOT DEAD ,
SO WHY ARE THIS PEOPLE PLANNING A FUNERAL
THERE SICK AND THEY NEED HELP .
THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY
TROY IS ALIVE .....

I AM SOME BODY WORTH RESPECT

FOR SOME TIME NOW I HAVE NOT REMEMBERED MY SELF WORTH . I ALOUD MYSELF TO ACCEPT LESS THAN WHO I AM. WITH EVERYTHING I DID MY JOB, MY LOVE LIFE EVEN IN THE RAISING OF MY CHILDREN. THE STRENGTH I KNOW I HAVE IN ME HAS NOT BEEN SHINING TO ITS HIGHEST LIGHT .








JANICE SAYS TODAY

I AM A DIME
LIKE A FINE BOTTLE OF WINE
DETERMINE MY WORTH WITH AGE
WHEN TASTED
SMOOTH TO THE LIPS
EASY AS I GO DOWN
LEAVING A LASTING TINGLE IN THE SOUL



I AM A DIAMOND A PRECIOUS STONE
SHINING SO COLORFUL AND BRIGHT
NOT TO BRIGHT YOU LOOSE SITE
WORTH MILLIONS WHEN CUT JUST RIGHT
TO BE TREASURED BY ALL

I AM JANICE WORTH YOUR RESPECT
NEVER SHOULD I HAVE TO ACCEPT LESS
WORTH BEING FIRST
AND IF I GIVE YOU A ME SECOND PASS
DON'T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I WILL LEAVE YOUR ASS

NO I AM NOT PERFECT
I KNOW
I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO
THAT'S NOT MY POINT TODAY
WHAT I'M HERE TO SAY IS
I AM A GOOD WOMAN I DESERVE RESPECT


SO I PRAY TODAY :
GOD FORGIVE ME FOR ALL MY SINS PAST, PRESENT, AND TO COME.

ITS OVER NOW !

YES I WILL FINISH SCHOOL
YES I WILL OWN MY OWN BUSINESS
YES I WILL PLAN PRECIOUS FUTURE
YES I WILL WRITE BEAUTIFUL STORIES
YES I WILL TAKE MORE BEAUTIFUL PICTURES
AMEN

SO TO THOSE ISSUES IN MY LIFE THAT HAVE CONTROLLED ME.
I SAY YOU HAVE NO MORE POWER MY FLAWS ARE NO LONGER THE LIGHT I SEE IN ME.
GOD HAS FORGIVING ME .

I WAS WONDERING IF I HAVE EVER LEFT A EVER LASTING IMPRESSION ON ANY MAN
DOES HE SIT UP AND THINK I SURE MISS JANICE
DOES HE LOOK BACK AND REGRET OUR BREAK UP
AM I THE WOMEN THE NEW WOMAN HAS TO HEAR ABOUT ALL THE TIME
WHEN I WAS WITH JANICE SHE WAS THE BEST
BRAGGING ABOUT HOW GOOD I WAS TO HIM AND FOR HIM
HOW HE LIKED MY COOKING AND THE WAY HIS CLOTHS SMELT AFTER I WASH THEM
HE BE WALKS AROUND THINKING OF THE WAY I WOULD RUB HIS BACK OR FEET
IN HIS MIND AM I
THE NEVER ENDING THOUGH OF
A TIME OF PEACE IN HIS LIFE
DOES HE WONDERS WHY WE DIDN'T MAKE IT
WISHING HE COULD HAVE ME BACK ONE DAY
DID HE WANT ME TO HAVE HIS BABY
IS HE DAY DREAMING ABOUT MY KISSES AND HUGS
I WONDER???????????

IF I COULD FLY

If I could fly I would shore so very high
I would travel the world take pictures from the shy
Oh God I would fly so high
When I land I would be kind to all my fellow man
Learn there languages live there cultures
Then off to the shy I go
to climb mountains
And walk throw snow

Piggy back on a camel over the sands
Oh God I would love a very animal i see
landing on there back every chance i get
rubbing there heads praying not to get bit
I would enjoy being chased by all types of cats
I would fly to the jungle post up in a tree in hopes that a monkey will play with me

I would fly so high in the rain
I would even try to fly in a hurricane
Throw a Toronto over a stormy sea
I be saying I wish all my friends and family could be doing this with me

I would have so much fun

If I could fly.

THE LIGHT IN YOU

LES B US


LET THE LIGHT IN YOU SHINE BRIGHT

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHINE BRIGHT
LET THE WORLD SEE YOUR LIGHT
SHINE BRIGHT FOR ALL TO SEE
FOR GOD HAS GAVE THE GIFT TO SHINE TO THEE
YOUR ARE A STAR, LIGHTING UP THE SKY SHORING SO VERY HIGH ,

PLEASE DON’T BE AFRAID TO DO YOUR THING
IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK
YOU EVEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH A FEW JERKS
STAND UP IN WHO YOU ARE
IT WILL TAKE YOU FAR.
TAKE THAT CHANCE,
ONE DAY
THE HOLD WORLD WILL HAVE TO TAKE A GLANCE,INTO YOUR DREAM COME TRUE, YOU DOING YOU . YOUR LIGHT IS A BEAUTIFUL SITE TO SEE.......
SHINE, SHINE, SHINE, SHINE ,

……KEEP WORKING HARD DON’T BE AFRAID MY STAR
SUCCESS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK SO TO SPEAK.
PUSH HARD
PUSH FIRM
PUSH CONSISTENTLY .

I HEARD:
MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE FAIL SIX TIMES BEFORE THEY MAKE IT .
WE FALL DOWN BUT WE GET UP.
WHEN YOU DONE ALL YOU CAN DO STAND.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES.
KNOW WHEN TO FOLD THEM KNOW WHEN TO HOLD THEM.
PRACTICE MAKE PREFECT.
PRAYER WORKS.



P.S HAVE FAITH IN YOUR CHILDREN YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT GROUND THEY MAY BREAK

INTERNET, WHAT!!!!!!!!!

BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL !!!!! SMART AND SEXY!!! THE THINGS I GO THROW>> TO MAINTAIN. I'M SO HARD. RHIANNA IS TELLING IT ALL . I'M JUST A INTERNET LOVER.
I CAN WRITE WHATS ON MY MIND. SAY HI TO FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD. LOL AT THERE POST . WHEN BORED I CAN FIND ALL TYPE OF SHYT TO READ , YOUR BUSINESS, HER BUSINESS THEY BUSINESS (I'M REAL NOISY), A BOOK TO READ, PLAY A GAME .
TRUST IS THE KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP.
I POST THIS TO SAY TO THE WORLD,
I LIKE TO WRITE ANYWHERE I CAN .
I LIKE TO READ ANYTIME I CAN .
SOME TIMES I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE .
O WELL LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME .
BUT DON'T JUDGE ME. SINCE SOME PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN, SOMETIME YOU HAVE TO WRITE THEM A NOTE .
AND IF THIS IS THE PLACE TO DO IT THAN SO BE IT .

P.S.
WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IT IS FOR YOU. NO MAN, WOMAN, CHILD, INTERNET,SO FORTH AND SO ON CAN TAKE IT AWAY..................

BACK TO SCHOOL I GO

I am forty, let me say that.
Back to college at my age, how will I do this?
I will do this, I know I can ?
These are some of the things I think about when I’m at home drain storming about what to do with my life.
You see I have been working for 17teen years in the insurance broker/agent business, a promising care. Yet I still have not moved up the corporate latter to financial success.
I took a good look at my work habits, all good.
I took a good look at my production, all good.
I took a good look at my customer skills, all good.
I took a good look at everyone around me that had moved up the corporate latter, and are very financially successful.
One big difference between them and me is education, awards, certificates and degrees.
The one thing I don’t have. The one thing I have not put forth an effort to do, in order to expand my career.

As of Feb. 8Th 2010 I will be attending school A. V. college.
Wow……………………………….................................!!!!!!
Again I am forty years of age.
I don’t want to go into what took me so long in this blog.
I do want to say I’m glad I have got to it as of now.

O yeah I was saying ….
The one thing I needed most, to get ahead in my career,
Took me the most time to get to.
So I ask myself why woman, you so smart you know it all?
Than I said to myself,
You did everything you could to avoid school.
Gave yourself every reason why you did’t need to go back to school.

You have a lot of skills, work experience, knowledge of the Insurance industry, your an excellent broker and agent.
Wow
The employers eat me up and spit out.
They silently said : Not even an A. A. degree, we can use her. Yes!
Does she need us more than we need her? Yes!
Where she going to find a better job with no degree?
She can demand more, treaten to leave,
Lol
Where she going
With her education status she is at top pay.

To make a long story short to avoid drifting off to another subject, let me say this.

Education is very important in life
When you want to get ahead, in this corporate world of business
No matter how many skill you have.
With out a degree you may find yourself waiting for that big brake the rest of your life.
Or like me back to school at forty.
Lesson learned today.
It’s never too late for progress
Sometimes you can’t just move past your mistakes made,
You sometimes have to go back and fix those mistakes made.

P. S.
Children stay in school; aim for completing college, high school is good, college is great.
You can never be too educated.
Grown folks if you need to get back in school do it.

A POT OF GREENS

I COOKED A POT OF GREEN FOR CHRISTMAS .
OMG EVERY SUNDAY SINCE, MY DAUGHTERS HAVE REQUESTED , I COOK THEM, ANOTHER POT OF GREENS.
I ASKED THEM, WHATS UP WITH THIS POT OF GREENS TRIP YOU TWO ARE ON?

JAKISHA SAID….
THEY ARE DELICIOUS , THE BEST YOU HAVE EVER COOKED.
YOU MUCH HAVE DONE SOMETHING DIFFERENT WHEN YOU COOK THEM .
BECAUSE THEY TASTE SO MUCH BETTER.

PRECIOUS SAID….
MOM THEY ARE THE BOMB …SMILING .
NOW THIS CHILD HATES TO EAT HER VEGGIES.

SO AT THERE REQUEST I HAVE BEEN COOKING A POT OF GREENS VERY SUNDAY MOTHER.

AS I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT JAKISHA SAID .
I REALIZED SHE WAS CORRECT .
I HAD CHANGED THE WAY I COOKED THE POT OF GREENS.
I DID NOT USE HAM HOCKS.
I USED BACON ENDS.
THIS GAVE THE POT OF GREENS A HOLD NEW TASTE.
THAN I REMEMBER , BACON END ARE WHAT MY GRANNY USED MORE SO THAN HAM HOCKS .

I HAVE BEEN COOKING FOR ALONG TIME. AND WHAT I'M LEARNING IS SOMETIME YOU CAN CHANGE HOW YOU SEASON A DISH , THIS CHANGES THE TASTE ALL TOGETHER.
SO IN MY QUEST TO GET PRECIOUS TO EAT HER VEGGIES , I WILL TRY DIFFERENT WHYS TO COOK FOOD , WHEN SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT . SHE NEEDS TO EAT HER VEGGIES EVERY DAY.
NO BETTER WHY TO GET IT DONE
THAN TO COOK THEM TO HER LIKING .
WHY FIGHT WITH HER ABOUT IT WHEN I CAN JUST MAKE THEM TASTY TO HER .

THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON IN THIS POT OF GREENS FOR ME IS PRACTICE MAKES PREFECT,
CHANGE IS GOOD.

BEST FRIEND WISH

I hope I never have to say goodbye
You are my best friend
I love you to the end
No matter what we do
I would like to stay in touch with you
You have been there with me throw the birth of all three
When I was married you road in the carriage with me
You are my best friend
When my granny past away
you where at my side everyday with kind words to help me throw
What would I have done without you
So when you said your moving away I screamed out don't play with me like this today
So before you go I just wanted to know

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU

IN LOVE ALONE

What do I do when I am so in love with you
All I want is to be with you
To hold your hand , for you to be my man
To do all I can , to assure your happiness
To walk with you , to talk with you
I care for you , I want to share with you
I want to be kind to you , make sure things are find with you

Listen to my selfish cry for love
What about you
what do you want to do
Do you want to be free
Or is it just me “
It there another in your life
You have a selfish cry for

Still I don’t understand , look at me
What more can there be

So I sit here confused and alone
Hoping you call my phone
Coming correct not expecting me to accept
Anything you bring , because I'm living in a dream

THEY COME AND THEY GO

GOD IS GOOD . IN LIVING MY LIFE AS A FEMALE , I HAVE FOUND THAT AT TIMES PEOPLE HAVE COME IN MY LIFE FOR A MOMENT. IN THAT MOMENT, THEY CHANGED MY LIFE, WITH A FEW WORDS . SOME WORDS WERE SWEET. THEY MADE ME FEEL LIKE THE QUEEN I IM . SOME WORDS WERE DISRESPECTFUL, THEY HURT ME . SOME WORDS WERE HURTFUL YET TRUE . THEY MADE ME LOOK DEEP WITHIN MYSELF. SO TO ALL THAT HAS COME INTO MY LIFE FOR THAT MOMENT . THANK YOU . I SAY THIS BECAUSE FOR THAT MOMENT YOU GAVE ME OF YOUR LIFE , WITH YOUR WORDS OF SWEETNESS, WITH YOUR WORDS OF DISRESPECT , AN WITH YOUR WORDS TO HURT ME, YOU HAVE MADE ME STRONGER IN LIFE . I AM WOMEN , AN I STAND IN IT , EVEN WHEN I FALL OR MAKE A MISTAKE. I AM WOMEN STILL . TO THOSE WHO CARE ENOUGHT TO STAY FOR MORE THAN A MOMENT I FEEL I MUST SAY . PLEASE KNOW GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME . SO KEEP BEING THE FRIEND YOU ARE WATCHING ME GROW WITH YOUR ON GOING WORDS OF LOVE , PEACE , KINDNESS, HONSTY, JOY AND HAPPYNESS. I LOVE YOU ALL . FOR NOT JUDGING ME OR COMPARING ME TO . YOU ARE A FRIEND WITH NO CONDITIONS . OUR LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP HAS STOOD THE TEST OF TIME . YOU BE BLESSED THREE TIMES FOR YOUR HEART OF GOLD . ALL YOU TOUCH IS GOLD . AS OF 10/27/07. I HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE . I WILL TAKE MY TIME WITH ALL I DO . I WILL NOT MOVE TOO FAST WITH THIS THING CALLED LIFE . ONE STEP AT A TIME . I NO LONGER HAVE A NEED TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU AND YOU . I AM WOMEN . I HAVE GOOD AND BAD PRETTY AND UGLY I AM UP AND SOMETIMES DOWN . I KNOW WHO I AM I KNOW WHAT I WANT . SO TODAY I SAY AND MEAN IT IN MY HEART . I LET GO AND LET GOD . IT IS WHAT IT IS . I AM WHAT I AM JANICE . NO MORE NO LESS. LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME , BUT YOU WILL NOT MISTREAT ME , OR ATTEMP TO MAKE ME FEEL LESS THAN . WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE TO MOVE ON . O AND TO THOSE HATERS OUT THERE. DONT STOP HATING IT MAKES ME STRONGER IN LIFE . WITH OUT YOU I WOULDNT HAVE MADE THIS CHANGE TODAY. SO THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH . IM BETTER TODAY THAN I WAS YESTERDAY. GOD BLESS YOU . I PRAY YOU ARE BETTER TO DAY THAN YESTERDAY AS WELL. LOL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I HAVE TIME TO THINK. LMAOAY

That Man

His skin so smooth ooowee
Love when he puts is soft hands on me
I get a chill omg the trill
He makes me so happy
To think of that day he will let me have my way and marry me
I don’t know what else to say
No other man makes me feel this way
His kiss, those sexy dark lips
The way he move his hips mmm
Than that dip, makes me scream
I don’t know what else to say I pray for the day he let me have my way and marry me
The way he stands as a man when I need a strong hand to keep in my place
Omg his voice, cant wait for is call
It makes me weak when he speaks my name
That black man
His claim to fame will be the day
I let him have his way
and become his wife

ME ME ME ..........I LOVE ME SOME ME

I LOVE ME SO MUCH, SOMETIMES I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I THINK MAYBE I LOVE ME TO MUCH.
I THAN ASK MYSELF HOW CAN THAT BE???????
I AM SUPPOSE TO LOVE ME? I AM SUPPOSE TO.
IF I LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH ,THAN ,MAY I LOVE ANOTHER?
WILL I BE ABLE TO HAVE A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER?
IS THERE ROOM TO LOVE ANOTHER?
WOW..
YOU SEE I FEEL LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.
TO LOVE ANOTHER WOULD MEANS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL STILL LOVE ANOTHER.
BUT THE LOVE FOR MYSELF, WONT ALLOW THAT.
THE HURT
THE PAIN
THE DISAPPOINTMENT
THE LIES
YOU KNOW ALL THE THINGS THAT THE LOVE FOR ANOTHER CAN BRING

AND AT THAT MOMMENT I REALIZED THAT SELF LOVE IS THE REASON I AM ABLE TO LOVE ANOTHER UNCONDITIONALLY.
YOU SEE IN ALL THE HURT, PAIN , DISAPPOINTMENT AND THE OTHER THINGS THAT LOVE FOR ANOTHER CAN BRINGS.
YOU, IN SELF LOVE HAVE THE POWER YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND,
YOU MAY HAVE TO LOVE ANOTHER FROM A DISTANCE.

P.S
IN THE ABOVE BLOG THE WORD YOU IS IN REFERRANCE OF ME ME ME

The trip

OMG IT IS FRIDAY

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING NOT TO HAPPY.
I DON’T WANT TO COMPLAIN BECAUSE I AM BLESSED.
SO I ASK MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU? . I MEAN I'M A HAPPY PERSON WHO SEEMS TO BE AT PEACE IN THIS THING CALLED LIFE. WHY YOU TURNING INTO THIS BITTER PERSON, BANGING ON BREAKFAST. GIVING THE KIDS A HARD TIME. GOING OFF IN THE STORE BECAUSE I DON’T AGREE WITH A FIFTY CENT FEE FOR USING MY CREDIT CARD.
SO I PUT A FEW THINGS ON THE TABLE TO REVIEW , HOPING TO FIND MY ISSUE SO THAT I CAN RESOLVE IT, MY ISSUES

1. SINGLE
2.. SINGLE
3. SINGLE

WAIT ……..
DID I JUST WRITE SINGLE THREE TIMES (REREADING WHAT I WROTE)
YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT’S WHAT I WROTE OMG WHAT THE HELL
I'M OK WITH BEING SINGLE, I HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR OVER 8 YEARS
WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE FOR ME NOW .
HAS THIS BEEN AN ISSUE?
AN IF SO WHY HAVE I NOT ADDRESSED THIS ISSUE?
BEING SINGLE IS MY CHOICE .
OR IS LIKE THAT MAN SAID IN THAT MOVIE , WOMEN WHO SAY THIS JUST CANT FIND A MAN.
FIND I MAN WOW …
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A MAN SO NAW…..THAT’S NOT IT.
LET ME SEE .
OH OK I SEE…… IT JUST HIT ME
ITS NOT THE MAN I DON’T HAVE
ITS WHAT THE MAN HAS TO OFFER THAT’S MY ISSUE
SEX . THE LACK OF SEX HAS ME TRIPPING
WHAT SHOULD I DO?

PICKING UP A HOBBY

Here I sit in a blank state of mind wanting to write a new blog,
I love to write, in my Jr high school 7Th grade year I won second place in a school writing contest held by the glassboro county school district. But some how some where I let that passion to hold my pen slip throw the cracks of my life. WOW!!!!!
By the age of twenty I was married with two children(NO TIME TO WRITE),
time to go to work,! the children need to eat and hubby income is not enough.
I have been working for twenty years. My first two children are grown...thank God, my last child is almost in her teens and I'm not working due to family issues, stress and just to tell you the truth I needed a fucking break. I felt like I was going to breakdown and be in Gusta Hawkins 5150.

Which brings me back to, here I sit in a blank wanting to write a new blog. I have nothing but time on my hands. I'm home all day, It's been almost one year now relaxing thinking getting my mind right.
It's time to get back in the swing of things, which I found not to be so easy. My job scearch has been unsuccessful so far. So in a quest to pass the time and not feel like a dead beat, I need a hobby, writing came to mind(i may be really good and can make some money at it ) so i picked up this blog with the help of my oldest child . But what do I write about I drew a blank.
Oh... I can write about why I'm here! How not working has giving time to clear my mind, which helped me get back to one of the things I love to do and had figured I had no time for. Now that I'm at it , writing, I feel good yet so dumb. I had time for this all along, I love it. Now I am thinking I love to take pictures, I'm going to buy me a camera. Omg there are so many things I love to do, and I'm going to do them no matter what.
As that man in the matrix said IF YOU DON'T MAKE TIME , YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TIME.


I have learned so much about myself in this last few months of not working .
One important thing, is when theres work and no play, you can become a very unhappy person.
Success is not in how much money you make, what kind of car you drive or where you live, for me it is more about how you feel about yourself in life .

the way its SUPPOSE to be

FRIENDSHIP! LOVE! MARRIAGE! SEX!

FRIENDSHIP
TAKES TIME TO GROW, TIME TO LEARN ANOTHERS WANTS NEED DREAMS AS WELL AS THERE PERSONALITY . TO ESTABLISH A UNDERSTANDING OF WHO THIS PERSON REALLY IS
LOVE
EMOTIONS BETWEEN FRIENDS. FEELS OF CARING SHARING GIVING DOING A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU WOULD ON THE NORM . FOR SOME IT MEANS A LOT MORE (THIS IS A BLOG I'M JUST GIVING A BRIEF DEFINITION ).
MARRIAGE
WHEN TWO COME TOGETHER AS ONE , AS "FRIENDS IN LOVE" TO FACE LIFE .
SEX
THE ACT BETWEEN TO FRIENDS IN LOVE.... THAT HAVE MARRIED .


AS A CHILD THIS IS THE ORDER A RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN TWO WAS SUPPOSE TO GO.
HA
TODAY AT FORTY I FIND THIS IS NOT THE CASE. SEX IS SO CASUAL YOU CAN GET IT ONLINE IN A MATTER OF MINS
MARRIAGE PLEASE,
TOGETHER AS ONE PLEASE.
SEPARATED BANK ACCOUNTS , SEPARATE CARS , THE HOUSE IS THE SOLE PROPERTY OF ONE. LOVE OF SELF IS THE FOCUS. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO , WHAT ABOUT ME , WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME . FRIENDSHIP ......I'M NOT GOING TO EVEN GO THERE.

TELL ME HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP PROCESS TODAY