RESTICTED FOR A REASON

It is hard for me as a woman to maintain my sanity at times. I feel like I am trapped in this box, and will not, be set free, at anytime soon. All of these restrictions, are the ruler of my entrapment.
My mind, my body, my soul, wants to do all the things, the restrictions say not to do. What can I do, how do live, in this UN-restricted world?
Some say enjoy life, you only live once, than you die.
I believe in a higher power. I believe, how you live here today, in this universe, dictates how you live in the next venture! It is like the wind to me, you can not see it, but from time to time you can feel its breeze.
So sit here asking my self what do, how do I abandon these feelings? I need to renounce them, depart from me I say. Than I pray, asking for what I need to have in other to forgo with this process, of changing the emotions my brain feeds on in the time of loneliness. To live with the restrictions, and feel extremely free. What must I do?
Now you have to understand that these things with in me are not good things. These things under restrictions for good reason, and should not be set free into the world. They are of evil, yes evil, they are of self and self alone. These things takes no concern with others nor do they care to.
At this time in my life, as I began to self reflect on the good in me, it also allowed me to reflect on the bad as well. As I discovered that these things in me are effecting the peace of being free will bring. I began to want to address them.
Some times, you want to be in another place, so bad, it will keep you from enjoying where you are at, when where you are is the best place for you. For example: Have ever left a party, to go to another party, got there and was like we should have stayed at the first party. Went back to the first party, and it's bunk. You go back to the second party, its on, but your not having fun because the guy you really wanted to see it not at any party. Now you wanna go home, because he call you, and said he wanted to kick it at your place tonight. You know what I mean just not enjoying life as it is, always wishing you could do something else.
Any who back to my restrictions and there effects on my happiness. These dirty little things that can only cause pain, sickness, hate, and unhappiness in the long run. The things that are good to you for the moment. You know them dirty little ones that run through the mind, we think we have dismissed them, we believe we forgot about them, but some people like me who like to fantasize, these thoughts these feels can be a danger I tell you. I read some where fantasizing is a cancer sign treat, so that may be why I do it so often. Now don't get me wrong I have them under control, I don't act on them. I do dream about stuff that is kinda far out there.
When your a single woman, at home alone, with nothing but your thoughts, things get hard, is all I am addressing here. Sitting at this table alone thinking about the fun I could be having, if I just let go, free my mind and do it. No no no the kids, my job, no one would respect me. The families that would be hurt, how could I do these things. I would go straight to hell for real. So they are restricted in the back of my mind, fantasies these dirty little thing.
So again I address how do I feel free when there is a strong part of me that wants to do all the wrong things, for all the wrong reasons. How can I truly be happy in my life with restrictions. To block them is to be fake happy, to act on them would to be fake happy. So weight the pro and the cons to find what would make me more happy short term or long term. You see short term last for the moment, long term will last for this life cycle, and when its all over, what ever I do I have learned in this there will be restriction. There will always be things I want to do, but can not. When my mind starts to go hay-wall look at the bigger picture, and find something like write a blog reading a book, go for a walk, enjoy what is in front of me and I will be fine.