DEATH WILL NOT BRAKE ME BUT MAKE ME STRONG

I DO NOT FEEL SAD TODAY, I HAVE CRIED NOT ONE TEAR, I HAVE NO FEAR OF TOMORROW, I AM NOT FILLED WITH SORROW, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM HAPPY, FILLED WITH JOY, PEACE, AND HAPPINESS, I HAVE PUT MY PAIN TO REST, I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, I HAVE TO EXCITE WITH OUT YOU, NOT BY MY CHOICE BUT BY GODS GRACE HE TOOK YOU FROM THIS EVIL PLACE. SO I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU GO ON WITH NO PAIN THAT I STILL HAVE TO CLAIM, BIG BROTHER, MY MOTHER, UNCLE AND NANNA TO I LOVE YOU .

Sitting Here In This Chair

As I sit here in this chair I wonder where is my air . I can't breath, yet I live. I am in a maze of what will tomorrow bring. With so much death and hurt lies and deceit around me I feel like I am suffocating with pain.

Than I think of all my blessings all the love joy and peace the new life around me ,
I take a deep breath. I feel like I am floating in life's joy.

The up the downs the smiles the frowns
Sitting Here In This Chair.

WHAT WE ALL NEED

THE CHOICE IS YOURS... YOU CAN LIVE LIFE AS A VICTIM OF HURT..
:0(
OR YOU CAN LIVE AS AN OVER COMER OF HURT
;0)! LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT(hello).....
HEHEHE MY CHOICE IS TO(as we do so well)....
MAKE MY LIFE A GREAT ONE.......
AS AN OVER COMER OF HURT......HE HE YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS.





GOD GIVE ME THE WILL TO EXCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE
ALSO GRANT MY THE THE KNOWLEDGE AND STRAIGHT TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN CHANGE...

TODAY IS A GREAT DAY, AS THE DAYS THAT HAVE PAST, AND AS WILL BE, THE DAYS TO COME. LIFE IS REALLY WHAT YOU MAKE IT, AS THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU, AS THEY HAPPEN TO US ALL, YOUR REACTION IS THE KEY TO YOUR OUT COME.

A FRIEND ONCE ASK ME " IF I TELL YOU SOMETHING WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO GET MAD "
I REPLIED NO , BUT I WILL PROMISE NOT TO HIT YOU OR STOP BEING YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE OF IT.
YOU SEE TO SAY I WILL NOT GET MAD BEFORE SHE TELLS ME THIS SECRET, WOULD BE A LIE . BEING MAD IS AN EMOTION THAT SOMETIMES WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.
WHAT I CAN CONTROL IS MY REACTION ONCE I AM MAD. I HAVE A CHOICE TO HIT HER I HAVE A CHOICE TO BE A FRIEND.
LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.
MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE AT ALL TIMES . BEING IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE IN SO MANY WAYS. ANGER HAPPINESS JOY ALL EMOTIONS THAT CAN BE BROUGHT UPON WITH OUT WARNING, OUT OF YOUR CONTROL UPON SUDDEN IMPACT, ACTIONS TO THOSE EMOTIONS CAN BE CONTROLLED .
LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT .
IF WHEN YOUR MAD YOU LIKE TO FIGHT , GET HELP YOU CAN CONTROL IT
IF WHEN YOU GET HAPPY YOU LIKE TO DRINK TO MUCH AND SPEND MONEY, GET HELP YOU CAN CONTROL IT .
AND SO ON AND SO ON .

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

WHEN CLEANING HOUSE, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WASH THE WALLS , GET ALL THAT MESS.

Hezekiah Walker-God Favored Me Ft. Marvin Sapp And DJ Rodgers with lyric...

SINGLE

I AM SINGLE, ITS OK FOR ME TO MINGLE.
HOW MANY FRIENDS ARE TO MANY?
40 YEARS OLD AND AGING, ONE AT A TIME I FEEL CAGED IN, THIS SINGLE STATE OF MINE.
I FEEL I HAVE TO DATE A FEW AT A TIME, THAN MAKE A CHOICE BASED ON WHAT MAN REALLY HEARS THE BEAUTIFUL VOICE INSIDE OF ME.
DOES THIS SOUND SILLY, OR IS THIS REALLY HOW IT SUPPOSE TO BE.
SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME?

I DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED A PLAYER BY ALL OF THE HATERS THAT DON'T AGREE.
BUT TO TELL THE TRUTH BEING SINGLE IS NO LONGER WORKING FOR ME .
SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME?

ONE, TWO, THREE, CAN DATE ME AND I STILL BE A LADY.

I WANT A HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rihanna - Wait Your Turn

Pretty Me is all They See

I'm more than what you see on the out side of me.
Take your time and you will find, there is something great inside of my mine.
Stop trying to floss a pretty face to your friends.
Stop thinking about my body in sin.
Look into my eyes, stop look at me as if I am a prize, breast, ass, tits, and thighs.
I'm so sick of this shit man I need to get a grip I'm starting to trip.
Talk to me about more than how pretty I am and how you can't wait to put your hands on me. Talk to me about goals and dreams, show some interest in who i am, and plans for life. Mental stimulation is what I need a man that look at me to soon get on one knee. Well let me just say I am done having fun so if you looking my way to have fun and play, DON'T.......RUN AWAY.

SELF REFLECTION:

IF YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE THERE IS A PROBLEM HOW CAN YOU GET TO THE SOLUTION WE ALL HAVE THINGS ABOUT US WE DON’T REALIZE EXCITE WE ALL HAVE DOUBLE STANDERS

Brandy | Have You Ever

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY. YOU SEE I HAVE TO LIVE ON.I HAVE TO DO FOR ME . I HAVE TO FIND AWAY TO LIVE ON ANYWAY HERE ON EARTH WITH OUT YOU . I CANT SEEM TO GET IT RIGHT EVERY NIGHT I ASK MYSELF TIME AND TIME AGAIN , WHAT WILL I DO WITH OUT MY BROTHER FRIEND. SO I HAVE TO SAY TODAY , BYE BROTHER TROY BYE.I WILL SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE MAMA(1985), NANA(2008), UNCLE(2009), TROY(2010). I CANT STAY HERE IN THIS STATE OF MIND , I HAVE TO FIND AWAY TO LIVE ON ANYWAY.

TROY AKA DAIPER BKA BUB-BU

TROY LYNN HAWKINS
07/17/68 - 02/28/10

AT 630PM TROY NOISE BEGIN TO BLEED A MEDIUM FLOW. WE TRIED TO STOP IT WITH EVERY METHOD KNOWN TO US. I GOT ONLINE AND DID A SEARCH ON NOISE BLEEDS. CAME UP WITH ONLY ONE OTHER OPTION , OTHER THAN THE METHODS ALREADY TRIED BY US , IT READ : GO TO THE HOSPITAL. SO TROY GOT UPSET AND SAT THERE TILL 11PM BLEEDING FROM THE NOISE..
OH YEAH I HAVE TO REWIND FOR A MINUTE, HE HAD FAINTED TWICE AS HE WAS HELPING A FRIEND MOO HIS LAWN. SO AS I WAS SAYING HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL ON MAY 18 2009 AT 11PM, WITH A NOISE BLEED. TODAY MY BROTHER IS DEAD. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS HAPPEN. I DON'T GET HOW THIS HAPPEN . THEY SAID HE HAD LEUKEMIA , WHAT THE HELL. COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK , YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME . YOU CANT BE FOR REAL ABOUT THIS .
OK OK OK OK SO WHAT PEOPLE BEAT LEUKEMIA EVERYDAY .
HE IS STRONG HEALTHY IN EVERY AREA
SO HE
WE CAN BEAT THIS .......

02/28/10
9 MONTHS LATER HE HAS DIED ....
STILL I DON'T BELIEVE IT
I CAN'T RECEIVE IT
IN MY HEART I KNOW ITS TRUE
HE IS GONE

NOW THEY TALKING ABOUT A FUNERAL
WHAT THE HELL YOU SAY .
COME ON NOW..... MAN
ARE YOU FOR REAL
IS A THIS A JOKE
CAN I DO THIS
NO NO NO AND HELL NO
I WILL NOT
I CAN NOT
DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME
I CAN NOT WATCH THIS HAPPEN
AND I HATE EVERYONE THAT HAS APART IN IT
HOW THE HELL CAN I SEE THIS
IN MY MIND
IN MY HEART IN MY SOUL
MY BROTHER LIVES
HE MOVED SO FAR AWAY I CANT SEE HIM AGAIN IS WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE
BUT HE IS NOT DEAD ,
SO WHY ARE THIS PEOPLE PLANNING A FUNERAL
THERE SICK AND THEY NEED HELP .
THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY
TROY IS ALIVE .....

I AM SOME BODY WORTH RESPECT

FOR SOME TIME NOW I HAVE NOT REMEMBERED MY SELF WORTH . I ALOUD MYSELF TO ACCEPT LESS THAN WHO I AM. WITH EVERYTHING I DID MY JOB, MY LOVE LIFE EVEN IN THE RAISING OF MY CHILDREN. THE STRENGTH I KNOW I HAVE IN ME HAS NOT BEEN SHINING TO ITS HIGHEST LIGHT .








JANICE SAYS TODAY

I AM A DIME
LIKE A FINE BOTTLE OF WINE
DETERMINE MY WORTH WITH AGE
WHEN TASTED
SMOOTH TO THE LIPS
EASY AS I GO DOWN
LEAVING A LASTING TINGLE IN THE SOUL



I AM A DIAMOND A PRECIOUS STONE
SHINING SO COLORFUL AND BRIGHT
NOT TO BRIGHT YOU LOOSE SITE
WORTH MILLIONS WHEN CUT JUST RIGHT
TO BE TREASURED BY ALL

I AM JANICE WORTH YOUR RESPECT
NEVER SHOULD I HAVE TO ACCEPT LESS
WORTH BEING FIRST
AND IF I GIVE YOU A ME SECOND PASS
DON'T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I WILL LEAVE YOUR ASS

NO I AM NOT PERFECT
I KNOW
I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO
THAT'S NOT MY POINT TODAY
WHAT I'M HERE TO SAY IS
I AM A GOOD WOMAN I DESERVE RESPECT


SO I PRAY TODAY :
GOD FORGIVE ME FOR ALL MY SINS PAST, PRESENT, AND TO COME.

ITS OVER NOW !

YES I WILL FINISH SCHOOL
YES I WILL OWN MY OWN BUSINESS
YES I WILL PLAN PRECIOUS FUTURE
YES I WILL WRITE BEAUTIFUL STORIES
YES I WILL TAKE MORE BEAUTIFUL PICTURES
AMEN

SO TO THOSE ISSUES IN MY LIFE THAT HAVE CONTROLLED ME.
I SAY YOU HAVE NO MORE POWER MY FLAWS ARE NO LONGER THE LIGHT I SEE IN ME.
GOD HAS FORGIVING ME .

I WAS WONDERING IF I HAVE EVER LEFT A EVER LASTING IMPRESSION ON ANY MAN
DOES HE SIT UP AND THINK I SURE MISS JANICE
DOES HE LOOK BACK AND REGRET OUR BREAK UP
AM I THE WOMEN THE NEW WOMAN HAS TO HEAR ABOUT ALL THE TIME
WHEN I WAS WITH JANICE SHE WAS THE BEST
BRAGGING ABOUT HOW GOOD I WAS TO HIM AND FOR HIM
HOW HE LIKED MY COOKING AND THE WAY HIS CLOTHS SMELT AFTER I WASH THEM
HE BE WALKS AROUND THINKING OF THE WAY I WOULD RUB HIS BACK OR FEET
IN HIS MIND AM I
THE NEVER ENDING THOUGH OF
A TIME OF PEACE IN HIS LIFE
DOES HE WONDERS WHY WE DIDN'T MAKE IT
WISHING HE COULD HAVE ME BACK ONE DAY
DID HE WANT ME TO HAVE HIS BABY
IS HE DAY DREAMING ABOUT MY KISSES AND HUGS
I WONDER???????????

IF I COULD FLY

If I could fly I would shore so very high
I would travel the world take pictures from the shy
Oh God I would fly so high
When I land I would be kind to all my fellow man
Learn there languages live there cultures
Then off to the shy I go
to climb mountains
And walk throw snow

Piggy back on a camel over the sands
Oh God I would love a very animal i see
landing on there back every chance i get
rubbing there heads praying not to get bit
I would enjoy being chased by all types of cats
I would fly to the jungle post up in a tree in hopes that a monkey will play with me

I would fly so high in the rain
I would even try to fly in a hurricane
Throw a Toronto over a stormy sea
I be saying I wish all my friends and family could be doing this with me

I would have so much fun

If I could fly.

THE LIGHT IN YOU

LES B US


LET THE LIGHT IN YOU SHINE BRIGHT

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHINE BRIGHT
LET THE WORLD SEE YOUR LIGHT
SHINE BRIGHT FOR ALL TO SEE
FOR GOD HAS GAVE THE GIFT TO SHINE TO THEE
YOUR ARE A STAR, LIGHTING UP THE SKY SHORING SO VERY HIGH ,

PLEASE DON’T BE AFRAID TO DO YOUR THING
IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK
YOU EVEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH A FEW JERKS
STAND UP IN WHO YOU ARE
IT WILL TAKE YOU FAR.
TAKE THAT CHANCE,
ONE DAY
THE HOLD WORLD WILL HAVE TO TAKE A GLANCE,INTO YOUR DREAM COME TRUE, YOU DOING YOU . YOUR LIGHT IS A BEAUTIFUL SITE TO SEE.......
SHINE, SHINE, SHINE, SHINE ,

……KEEP WORKING HARD DON’T BE AFRAID MY STAR
SUCCESS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK SO TO SPEAK.
PUSH HARD
PUSH FIRM
PUSH CONSISTENTLY .

I HEARD:
MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE FAIL SIX TIMES BEFORE THEY MAKE IT .
WE FALL DOWN BUT WE GET UP.
WHEN YOU DONE ALL YOU CAN DO STAND.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES.
KNOW WHEN TO FOLD THEM KNOW WHEN TO HOLD THEM.
PRACTICE MAKE PREFECT.
PRAYER WORKS.



P.S HAVE FAITH IN YOUR CHILDREN YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT GROUND THEY MAY BREAK

INTERNET, WHAT!!!!!!!!!

BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL !!!!! SMART AND SEXY!!! THE THINGS I GO THROW>> TO MAINTAIN. I'M SO HARD. RHIANNA IS TELLING IT ALL . I'M JUST A INTERNET LOVER.
I CAN WRITE WHATS ON MY MIND. SAY HI TO FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD. LOL AT THERE POST . WHEN BORED I CAN FIND ALL TYPE OF SHYT TO READ , YOUR BUSINESS, HER BUSINESS THEY BUSINESS (I'M REAL NOISY), A BOOK TO READ, PLAY A GAME .
TRUST IS THE KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP.
I POST THIS TO SAY TO THE WORLD,
I LIKE TO WRITE ANYWHERE I CAN .
I LIKE TO READ ANYTIME I CAN .
SOME TIMES I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE .
O WELL LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME .
BUT DON'T JUDGE ME. SINCE SOME PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN, SOMETIME YOU HAVE TO WRITE THEM A NOTE .
AND IF THIS IS THE PLACE TO DO IT THAN SO BE IT .

P.S.
WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IT IS FOR YOU. NO MAN, WOMAN, CHILD, INTERNET,SO FORTH AND SO ON CAN TAKE IT AWAY..................

BACK TO SCHOOL I GO

I am forty, let me say that.
Back to college at my age, how will I do this?
I will do this, I know I can ?
These are some of the things I think about when I’m at home drain storming about what to do with my life.
You see I have been working for 17teen years in the insurance broker/agent business, a promising care. Yet I still have not moved up the corporate latter to financial success.
I took a good look at my work habits, all good.
I took a good look at my production, all good.
I took a good look at my customer skills, all good.
I took a good look at everyone around me that had moved up the corporate latter, and are very financially successful.
One big difference between them and me is education, awards, certificates and degrees.
The one thing I don’t have. The one thing I have not put forth an effort to do, in order to expand my career.

As of Feb. 8Th 2010 I will be attending school A. V. college.
Wow……………………………….................................!!!!!!
Again I am forty years of age.
I don’t want to go into what took me so long in this blog.
I do want to say I’m glad I have got to it as of now.

O yeah I was saying ….
The one thing I needed most, to get ahead in my career,
Took me the most time to get to.
So I ask myself why woman, you so smart you know it all?
Than I said to myself,
You did everything you could to avoid school.
Gave yourself every reason why you did’t need to go back to school.

You have a lot of skills, work experience, knowledge of the Insurance industry, your an excellent broker and agent.
Wow
The employers eat me up and spit out.
They silently said : Not even an A. A. degree, we can use her. Yes!
Does she need us more than we need her? Yes!
Where she going to find a better job with no degree?
She can demand more, treaten to leave,
Lol
Where she going
With her education status she is at top pay.

To make a long story short to avoid drifting off to another subject, let me say this.

Education is very important in life
When you want to get ahead, in this corporate world of business
No matter how many skill you have.
With out a degree you may find yourself waiting for that big brake the rest of your life.
Or like me back to school at forty.
Lesson learned today.
It’s never too late for progress
Sometimes you can’t just move past your mistakes made,
You sometimes have to go back and fix those mistakes made.

P. S.
Children stay in school; aim for completing college, high school is good, college is great.
You can never be too educated.
Grown folks if you need to get back in school do it.